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Morning Musings Blog

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Morning Musings
Welcome!
To a little experiment about mattering.

It’s a chemistry experiment, this human business of being. The chemistry experiment of mixing all the ingredients of life and observing the results moment by moment has an overall objective. The objective has been the same throughout recorded time for each and every one of our species.

Really it’s more an alchemy process than a chemistry process because we’re trying to take the day-to-day lumps of coal along with all the gems we find in the ups and downs of life and transform them into gold. No matter what the culture, no matter what the language, no matter what the race, no matter what the personality, we homo sapiens aspire to create gold. Our alchemy process is to turn the day-to-day seemingly valueless circumstances and situations into the gold of “happiness.”

This alchemy requires a magic ingredient and then a mixing and stirring of very concrete practices. That magic ingredient is what this blog is ultimately about. Mattering, that sense of making a difference in the world and knowing how to make a difference each day is the secret sauce, the magic ingredient. It requires the crucible of faith and the "muscles" of emotional intelligence that one by one we will take a look at and illustrate.

It's those muscles of emotional intelligence that will be the focus of day-to-day entries in this blog. Each post will relate to one of the seven "muscles" of emotional intelligence. So I need to give you just a little more context.

At INSPIRATIONWORKS we view emotional intelligence more like physical muscle building than studying to getting a high score on a test. Our physical muscles make up a complex system that allows us to walk, run, sit, stand, breathe, lift, bend, and many other actions to navigate our physical world.  There are tools like free-weights, universal gym, exercise bike, balance ball, to help tone your physical muscles.

If you want to play basketball well, you do a lot of drills in your practice sessions so that when it comes time to play the real game you can win based on the strength you've built and the muscle memory for effective dodging, weaving, running, blocking, passing, catching, and scoring.

The real game of day-to-day life takes metaphorical dodging, weaving, running, blocking, passing, catching, and scoring. So our model of emotional intelligence identifies the complex muscles that allow us to persevere, respond authentically, connect with others effectively, bounce back from setbacks, risk, create, and navigate our psychological and interactive world in order to experience life more richly. The seven EQ Muscles™ are: humility, acceptance, resilience, optimism, connection, creativity, and authenticity.

Just like the apparatus and tools for building physical muscles, there are concrete tools for toning, developing, and building the seven emotional intelligence muscles. Those tools are taught in our books, sessions, and courses. They're not what this blog is about.

This blog is about the daily game and one person's application of the practice sessions in order to dodge, weave, run, block, pass, catch, and score. Each "Morning Musing" will connect everyday ordinary situations and circumstances to those emotional intelligence muscles. It'll be like watching that basketball game and getting the play-by-play, color commentary, and analysis. The intent is to make applying emotional intelligence real and not just some abstract concept. The intent is to apply emotional intelligence to that alchemy process of life.

There’s a catch to learning this alchemy of transforming day-to-day life into the gold of happiness. Unlike other recipes for the perfect dessert or steps in the foolproof chemistry experiment or steps in self help books, this alchemy process, in order to work, is not the same for any person as it is for any other. Each person has to put his or her own alchemy process together. The following musings contain some illustrations and examples that might stir your alchemy.

Please enjoy with me and thank you for stopping by,

Val (EQGAL)


 
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The Authenticity Muscle
By EQGAL | July 26, 2010 at 01:03 PM EDT | No Comments

Fear of failure? Fear of success?

What looms large...that stops me from starting or continuing or even trying?

The critical eye! I see it there in front of me...often in another person's face...that face of disapproval. How do I put that critical face, that often appears before me in another person's demeanor, into reality?

The disapproval looms like the terrifying monster in the story about the little girl on the mountainous road.* She was faced with a choice of paths, each guarded by monsters. She faced the choice of enduring one monster's behavior versus what appeared to be the gentler monster's path. She chose the quieter easier way first.

The little girl proceeded for a time on this path but all the while she could hear the other monster roaring and yelling and screaming behind her. She could see it behind her becoming more and more violent as it watched her walking away. On impulse she went back to the fork in the road where the screaming monster raged and began walking on its path.

The little girl looked back to the "easy" road that she would have taken just in time to see part of the road fall away to destruction down the side of the mountain. She turned back to the road with the scary monster and kissed that monster on its nose.

I am an artist. I paint with oils. I paint with words. I have something to say...for others to read...for me to reflect and internalize. My words can be a mirror that becomes brighter, less cloudy, less mirky.

Ah but the critical eye...my own...my reader's. It's Kramer's "stink-eye" from the Seinfeld TV episode that in reality cannot kill me no matter how terrifying. It's not the raging mother's disapproval that I might have at one time connected to the impending pain of a spanking. It's not the inherent reaction of a child's risking deadly abandonment by a parent. It's clouds across my cornea like cataracts that make me mis-perceive. I hold mySelf tight in terror of the critical eye.

Being authentic, building that emotional intelligence muscle, takes daily work, daily exercise. "Morning Musings" are my reps. I'd rather be lazy and not put mySelf, my words, out there. Some days I will have more courage than others. Some days I will be more able for others to get to know me more deeply. Some days, when I have the courage, I will get a response that's painful. It might launch me back to a safe cave with no light to reflect in a welcoming mirror.

Reps...go ahead...one by one. "Kiss the monster on the nose"...


*"Kiss the Monster on the Nose" as told in Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families (1988), Friel & Friel.
Another site that you might find interesting: www.marilynmason.com

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